Dear Alice and Ivy,
Any day now (hopefully) we'll get to meet your new baby brother. Alice will become a big sister for a second time, older and wiser, and Ivy will get to experience big sisterhood for the first time. You're both aware of what is happening, though I'm sure you aren't aware of what the actual day-to-day will look like, and how much our lives will change. I think you are both excited, in various ways, and I'm eager to see what you will think of having a new little baby at home. You love babies, Ivy, and I hope that you love having one to kiss and cuddle and baby as much as I think you will. You also need a lot more Mama cuddles than Alice ever did, and I'm hoping that you don't feel jealous or neglected or displaced. Alice, you love a good procedure, and you love to be in charge, so I think you're going to enjoy helping with all the things a baby needs and making sure I'm doing everything right.
Life is continuing on for you fairly normally right now, but these last days and the waiting is really hard for me. I am tired and uncomfortable - so uncomfortable - and cranky, I don't have the energy or agility or patience to moderate your squabbles and chase after you both and remind you a million times a day how to use the bathroom and get dressed and put your shoes on and put your toys away. Because when you are not being sweet and charming, you are an unholy handful of exasperation and you make my temper go from neutral to nuclear in seconds flat about a million times a day. Thank goodness that Grandma, and now Grandpa, are both here to provide a little distraction for you and relief for me.
|Waiting (and waiting and waiting) for Alice.|
|Waiting (and waiting) for Ivy.|
I know some people worry that they won't love another child as much as they love the one(s) they already have. I was never worried about that, I know that love expands to fill all the available space. But I do wonder and worry how we're going to handle all your regular demands, plus your fighting and defiance, and Alice's tantrums and Ivy's night waking and a newborn's needs. I had similar worries before Ivy was born, though (how do you get two kids to sleep at the same time in the same room?), and it all just worked out. Mostly. I do struggle with feelings of guilt, though. We have a perfect little family, with two perfectly healthy girls, why push our luck? What if something goes wrong? But that is the great game of life.
|We need to make new shirts!|
Perhaps some day, you'll understand all these feelings better, when you are waiting for babies of your own. Though, Alice, you are pretty insistent that you do not want and will never want kids. I'm curious to see if that persists through adulthood. And then again, maybe the waiting will be easier for you. And maybe you won't have such late babies, or such stubborn, "spirited" children.
I wanted to take this time to capture this season of our lives, and to put down my feelings. And I wanted to remind you how much I love you, even when you are driving me absolutely bananas. You are both incredibly spirited girls, and no matter how much aggravation it causes me, I don't ever want to break that spirit because, as they say, "well-behaved women seldom make history."
|image found here|
|image found here|